WILL YOU BE MINE, VALENTINE?
TAYLOR
The next morning, Mel appeared as if her actions the previous night never happened. She was as bubbly as
she was the previous day, if not more. Taylor wasn't having it. He needed an explanation. A logical one, at that.
After the weird dream he had, and waking up to find himself in bed alone, he had gotten up to find Mel on the
front porch, in pitch dark, as the wind blew and the sounds of the waves crashed in front of her. The temperature had dropped significantly once the sun had gone down and he had no idea how she wasn't freezing. Mel wasn't one to sleep walk, so he was left perpetually confused. Never speaking a word, and never putting up a fight, she had allowed him to lead her back to bed, where he held her close for the rest of the night. She seemed to sleep like a baby--he hadn't slept another wink.
So now here she was, standing on his side of the bed, dressed and ready to go in white capris and a snug, gray, Henley shirt, attempting to get him out of bed. "Tay, come on. I'm dying to check out the breakfast bar. I think my stomach is currently selling itself to the devil right now--or has become the devil, I don't know. I just know I'm starving!"
Rubbing his hands over his face and propping himself up on his elbow to face her, he said groggily, "Now, hold on. Hold on just a second, sit down. We gotta talk about something."
She took a step back from him, her face reading hurt and confusion. "Well--can it wait? Or can we discuss it over breakfast?"
"No," he said firmly, sitting himself up in the bed. "We need to talk about it now. Come here."
"No," she said, defiantly. "I have no idea what we could possibly have to talk about. Everything is fine. Nothing is going on."
Leaning over the side of the bed and reaching for her hand, he managed to pull her into bed with him. Finally sitting cross-legged next to him, she nervously looked down at her hands. "Look at me," he said, lifting her
chin so her eyes could meet his. "What happened last night?"
"Nothing happened last night."
"Yes, it did. What went on? What happened with you in that hallway?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't try to dodge this. Something happened last night that caused you to shut down. You disappeared, literally and figuratively. I don't know if you even remember this or not, but did you know that I woke up at
three this morning to find you on the front porch? In 45 degree weather?"
"Yes, I remember. I couldn't sleep."
"Why?" he asked firmly.
Mel huffed and was silent for a moment before she spoke. "Did you hear that story? About the woman who died here? It's all true, you know. It's not a legend. She committed suicide, knowing she was pregnant. And she had already miscarried once, so her chances of having the next one were pretty good. She had the opportunity to give birth and she chose to take it all away. Last night I stood in front of a door to a room that belonged to a woman who was in such a state of despair that she took her own life, not caring about the child she had inside of her. She had an opportunity, Tay. And she chose to end it. I didn't know I wanted children until I learned I was pregnant, and then I couldn't even keep it." Her voice cracked as she continued to speak, and Tay swallowed a lump in his throat. It was all clear to him now. The entire odd night made sense. "How could that woman be so selfish? I want us to be parents, Tay. I want to give birth to your child. I want to raise
it together and have a family--with you. Why can't I have that?"
And then the tears flowed. Her forehead fell on his shoulder as she sobbed, and he wrapped his arms around her as he stroked her hair. "Shh, it's okay. I promise, everything will be all right. We'll be parents someday, don't give up hope. Okay? The doctor never said you weren't able to conceive. You had a miscarriage that happened to be a chance occurrence. It had nothing to do with genetics, medical history, daily habits, nothing. Okay?" He kissed her forehead and lifted her face, wiping away her tears. "Look," he continued, smiling softly at her. "Let's not rush this. Don't forget, we're not even married yet. I want to at least have a honeymoon before get on this baby business. Hell, Fred is practically more work than a two-year-old
sometimes."
He managed to get a giggle out of her with his last statement as her tears slowly subsided. She nodded and wiped her cheeks with her hand. "I know it's hard," he said to her gently. "I understand. I do. You do whatever you need to do to deal with it. But I'm here to be your crutch. Whatever problems you have or anything you might be feeling, you lay it all on me. That's what I'm here for. That's why we're made for each other, because we don't know how to keep secrets from each other. Next time those feelings come back, don't shut down on me. Okay? Don't disappear, don't leave me like that. You come to me and you let it out. No matter what the situation, no matter what I'm doing, you let it out. I love you and I want to help you through this. We're in this together. You and me. Just us."
She nodded in agreement. "I love you," she whispered, fighting back tears again. And then she managed a laugh again, an attempt to stop the crying. "My mascara is running, isn't?"
He smiled at her. "It actually isn't that bad. You look beautiful."
"I'll look even more beautiful once you feed me. I might even become a goddess if there's coffee involved."
Tay laughed and patted her thigh. "Get the hell out of my bed," he joked. As he got out of bed, he took a deep breath, feeling much better about the day.
_________________________________
MEL
After breakfast, Mel and Taylor spent most of the day meandering on the beach. Sometimes they walked, sometimes they put their toes in the water, sometimes they dug for burrowing crabs. Mostly, though, they sat on a large blanket, staring aimlessly at the ocean, making meaningless conversation about random things. Mel doodled over and over in the sand beside and in front of her and Tay jotted down random song lyrics into a spiral notebook.
"Wow, I can't remember the last time I actually handwrote a song," Tay recalled.
"Seriously?" Mel responded, wiping away one of her sand doodles and starting a new one.
"Yeah," he smiled. "It's kind of nice."
"I don't see how you're tolerating those pages with all this wind."
"I'm managing okay. It's not really that bad."
"I need a bucket."
Tay scoffed, amused. "A bucket?"
"Or a large shell that I can scoop with or something."
"So you're going from drawing to digging?"
"Maybe."
They were silent again for another ten minutes or so, Mel still drawing in her patches of sand, Tay in concentration, chewing on the end of his pen. "What rhymes with crack?" he asked.
"Really? There are, like, a million words. Pick any of them."
"Eh, none of them are any good."
"Whack."
"Huh?"
"Whack. Cause crack is whack."
"You're crazy, you know that?"
Mel shrugged. "You asked."
They fell silent once again. Mel was tired of doodling. And she was getting her capris dirty. She wasn't an artist anyway. There were only so many Hanson symbols and stick figures she could draw. She found herself writing out creatively vulgar words when she decided she was done drawing in the sand for the day. She
pulled the throw pillow she'd been sitting on from underneath her and turned on her stomach, laying her head on it, her face turned toward Tay. She took a deep breath and smiled as she looked up at him. "Sing me something."
He had been laying on his side, his elbow dug into the corner of his own throw pillow as he used the rest of it to prop his notebook on. Looking up from his lyrics, he smiled in surprise. "What?"
"Sing me something. Sing me that." She pointed to his notebook then quickly retracted her arm, making herself comfortable.
Tay blushed and shook his head. "No, not that. There's really nothing here, it's just...it's nothing. Pick something else."
She shrugged as best she could from the position she was laying in. "I dunno...dig deep."
"It's not gonna sound good," he warned.
"I don't care."
"Um, okay..."
Mel hunkered further down into her pillow and closed her eyes. "Okay, start."
She heard him chuckle lightly before he started to sing. He didn't try hard, and it certainly wasn't the best he'd ever sounded, but it was still one of the most beautiful things Mel had ever heard. Softly, he sang to her:
"You feel like liberation
You give me new sensation
You show me what I need and
You are my life, completed--"
"Ooh, I like this one," Mel cut in, smiling behind her closed eyes.
"Can't stop, can't brake, who's driving?
Sometimes there's no denying
Till today I feel I can't lose
I'm letting go of what I knew
I want you for always
I hear your name in every word I say
I'm a fool and I don't care
I hear your name in every word I say--"
"I don't know why you would say it's not gonna sound good. It's beautiful. I love it," she cut in again.
This time Tay laughed. "Well are you gonna stop interrupting and let me finish?"
She opened one eye to look at him. "No. It's okay. You don't have to finish it." She then swiftly took his notebook out of his hand and shoved it underneath his throw pillow and pulled the pillow closer to her head. "Here," she said, patting it. "Take a break."
He lay beside her on his side, his face mere inches from hers. She now opened both her eyes and stared into his blue ones. Then she said to him quietly, "When you sit out here on the beach like this, with nobody
around, and you stare out into the water and then just look around at all sides of you--doesn't it make you feel how big the world actually is and how small you really are in comparison?"
"Sometimes, yeah," he answered, his volume matching hers. "But I've also sat in the very same place and observed how small the world is, too. It's all about perspective."
"Sometimes it depresses me knowing how small I am in comparison to the world. But most of the time, that's where I find that I prefer to be. Does that make sense?"
"Perfect sense."
"Where do you prefer to be?"
"Wherever you are."
Mel smiled, feeling the blood in her cheeks. "Seriously, Tay."
He smiled back at her, warmly. "I am serious. I don't like when the world feels too small. It's almost claustrophobic. And stressful. I like knowing that there's an entire world out there, just waiting to be uncovered. Which, I mean, there is, ultimately. I don't like feeling like I've seen and done everything. And sometimes I feel like I have even though I know I haven't."
"So let's do that. Let's go through the rest of our lives as tiny little Earth peons, eagerly leaving no stone unturned, and just let the world swallow us whole in all its glory."
"Can we maybe not be peons? It's not a very positive term..."
"You don't want to be a peon with me?"
"Well, I mean, if I HAD to be a peon, I wouldn't want to be a peon with anyone else but you."
"Don't sit under the peon tree with anyone else but me," Mel randomly sang.
A laugh escaped from Tay immediately. "Very well played. I see what you did there."
"Why thank you, my fellow peon."
"This peon thing's not gonna go away, is it?"
"Highly doubtful."
Another short while passed as Mel and Tay lay there and discussed more mundane, and sometimes philosophical, subjects, when the sounds of strangers' voices pulled them from the small world they had created around themselves. Lifting her head enough to see over Tay, Mel spied a group of two or three couples entering the beach near them.
"I guess this is our cue to head inside," Tay said. "We've literally been out here for hours and it's probably time to start getting ready for dinner. Which reminds me, I can't believe I've been such a bastard. I haven't even said Happy Valentine's Day yet!"
Mel laughed at him. "You're not a bastard for that. If it makes you feel any better, I forgot about it, too. So Happy Valentine's Day back at you."
As they stood up, Tay rolled up his notebook and shoved it in the back pocket of the cargo pants he wore, then proceeded to help Mel shake out the blanket and fold it up. As they were ready to make their way back to their
cottage, Mel heard one of the girls in the group giggle and say, "It is NOT!"
Dreading what was coming next and hoping she was wrong, Mel chose to ignore it and they started to take a few steps toward the cottage. She heard another girl. "Yes it is! I swear it, I'd know him anywhere!"
Mel glanced at Tay and his eyes met hers, obvious that he'd heard it too. He merely shook his head and they continued walking. Victory awaited merely steps away when the unavoidable finally reared it's head at them. "Hey! Excuse me!"
The both of them turned to look as the three girls in the small group made their way anxiously toward them. One of the two blondes smiled at Tay excitedly. "Oh! It IS you! I knew it, but they didn't believe me. We are SUCH big fans," she pointed to herself and the brunette.
"I can't even believe you're here right now," said the brunette. "It's such a small world!"
"Yeah, so it is..." Tay's voice trailed off and he glanced behind him at Mel, helplessly.
"Here, I'll take these with me." Mel smiled at him as she took the throw pillows from him and made her way to the cottage porch. She tried not to watch as she hung the sandy blanket over the rail and shook out the
pillows, tossing them into the patio chairs. Instead, she headed inside to make a phone call, and then started the shower when Tay walked in, much quicker than she expected.
Mel poked her head out of the bathroom door. "We're gonna see them again, aren't we?"
He nodded. "Most likely."
"Are they gonna multiply?"
He shrugged. "Don't know. They're on vacation, so probably not."
"Hm. Sometimes I think I prefer them in larger numbers..."
"Sometimes I just prefer to be on a private vacation," he retorted.
At that, Mel raised her eyebrows and went back into the bathroom. 'Okay, then...' she mouthed to herself.
She spent her shower trying to decide what the hell to do with her hair in conjunction with beach wind and the dress she'd brought along. The dress was a light beige mini cocktail dress with lace detail from the bottom all
the way up to the sweetheart neckline. It was sleeveless from her shoulders down and feather-like ruffles trimmed the bottom and also tapered from the lace on her back to cover the capped shoulders. It fit her snug, with a natural waistline and natural silhouette and she almost hated that she needed to Tay to button up her back before she was ready for him to see her. Some things needed to be a mystery to men, but it was hard when you couldn't close up your own dress.
As she stood at the sink, perfecting a subtle smoky eye in the mirror, she heard someone knock on the door and then she heard Tay talking. She stopped and listened for a moment and then smiled, continuing her face.
Mel wasn't big on Valentine's Day herself, but she did what she could.
Finally deciding that a messy, elegant, up do would suit the dress best, Mel was elbow-deep in her own hair when Tay's voice came through the bathroom door. "Hey, do you have a pin or something?"
Mel grinned and looked toward the door. "Are you asking me why I think you're asking me?"
"No one's ever sent me roses before. I wanted to pin one on my jacket."
Her grin widened to the point that her cheeks hurt. "Give me a few more minutes and I'll see what I can do. I'm almost finished," she called.
Doing a small victory dance, she pinned what was left of her hair, gave it a quick spray of hairspray and then fell onto the toilet lid to strap a pair of nude-colored, peep toe, platform pumps around her ankles.
She sprayed on a quick spritz of perfume and stepped out the bathroom door, immediately self-conscious. "Tay, I need you to button me up," she said, turned around, prepared for him to do it. It took several minutes of coaching him and teaching him how to do it before he got the hang of it and her dress was finally securely in place. Turning around and looking at him in his basic black suit, she frowned. "Am I underdressed?"
"Uh. You're--you look--stunning," he answered. "You look perfect. Besides, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not wearing a tie, so..."
"Well you did say cocktail..."
"I absolutely did."
Mel grinned at him. "So you like your little surprise? I mean, it's not much. You know how I am with all this mushy stuff..."
He smiled at her. "I love them. Like I said, nobody's ever sent me roses before. It was a nice surprise. And most men might not admit it, but it was very romantic of you."
"So you really want to pin one to your jacket?"
"Absolutely. Which reminds me--buttoned or unbuttoned?"
"Buttoned."
"I agree."
Mel looked around in thought. "I don't know if we--oh wait, I brought my tiny sewing kit with me!" Quickly, she fished it out and used the tiny scissors to snip off the head of one of the roses and used a pin to pin it on
him. "There," she said. "You're gorgeous."
Tay blushed and changed the subject. "By the way, your little peon card was quite charming," he joked.
"Yeah...I made the call while you were out playing Hanson and stuff..."
"So sneaky..."
She giggled as she gathered her clutch and followed him out the door and into the late afternoon breeze. The sun was just beginning to set and she knew it would be dark before they knew it. As they were about to lock the door to the cottage, Mel noticed her bare hands and nearly died of embarrassment. "Tay, wait! I forgot to put my ring on!"
"But, Mel, we don't have--"
Mel didn't let him finish before she made a beeline for the bathroom to retrieve it off the counter. Except that it wasn't there. She immediately checked the sink and that sentiment was short-lived as there wasn't an open drain. Panic rising quickly inside her, she tried to calm herself and retrace her steps before her shower. Tay's incessant yammering about the time wasn't helping her situation.
The bedside table! That's it! As she let the shower run, she had sat on the edge of the bed and removed her jewelry and left it all there so she wouldn't lose it! Relief washing over her, she raced to her side of the bed, only to find her earrings and her necklace, but no ring.
Tay walked into the room to tell her once more what time it was. "We have a reservation, Mel. We gotta go."
"Tay! I lost my engagement ring! Your grandmother's ring! I can't find it! We can't go anywhere until I find it! How could I be so careless?"
"It'll turn up, I promise. Nobody's been in here but you and me, so it couldn't have gone far. We'll find it."
Mel looked at him in disbelief. "You don't seem so concerned over the loss of a dear family heirloom. Over the most important item I've ever possessed in my entire life! You gotta help me find it!"
"You gotta calm down," he said. "This was the only reservation I was able to get tonight, anywhere. We have to go. We're not exactly dressed for the drive thru, you know."
"I don't care. I want my ring."
Taking her by the hands, Tay looked at her. "Sweetheart, look at me. Calm down. When we get back from dinner, we will turn this place upside down. You're certain you had it on when you came in from the beach?"
"Yes!" Mel was near hyperventilation. "I sat right here and took everything off before I got in the shower. I KNOW I did."
"It could be under the bed or something, or behind the table--"
"Except that it ISN'T!"
"Mel. Nobody has been here but us. And if you're confident that you put your ring right there, then I'm confident that we will find it in this cottage, without a doubt. But I'm telling you, we have to go. Really. We do. We'll find it. I promise."
Reluctantly, Mel allowed Tay to lead her out the door. "I don't see why you're not freaking out over this," she muttered.
"Because I have faith," he responded, confidently. "Sometimes that's all you need."
______________________________
Mel just knew she had ruined the entire night. Taylor had to be pissed off. He just HAD to be. He must have been choosing to keep his temper at bay. There was no other explanation for his attitude right now. At his--his joy and his--happiness. He even whistled a tune as they walked toward the main hotel. She had no idea
what to make of it, but what she did know was that what little appetite she had was completely gone. Her Valentine's Day was completely ruined. However, Tay had his heart set on this damn dinner, so the least she could do was pretend to enjoy it for his sake.
As they walked into 1500 Ocean, Mel immediately felt overdressed. When Tay had said cocktail attire, she hadn't expected the restaurant to be quite so--
"Don't let the scenery fool you," he murmured in her ear, as if he read her mind. "You look fantastic."
His arm slid around her waist as the host showed them to their table. The couple garnered a few looks along the way, but not many. Looking around, it was obvious that not only had Tay had researched this restaurant, but why he picked it--they seemed to be one of the youngest couples in there. She understood now. Here, they ran a slim chance of being bothered. She thought, for a second, back on his words when
they'd first arrived the previous day, and how he'd been annoyed just a couple hours earlier that he'd been approached. He wasn't messing around when he meant for this to be a private vacation. Not only did he want time alone with Mel, he also wanted to get way from himself.
Suddenly they stopped at a small, charming row of booths, each with their own curtain. It was like a table in a cubby hole with comfy booth seating, small throw pillows, and low lighting. Wine chilled in a bucket by the
booth and, after taking their drink order, Tay reached out and pulled the curtains shut. There, they sat, in their own little cocoon, locked away from the rest of the world.
She smiled nervously across the table at him. "This is probably the most romantic little booth I have ever been in."
He smiled back at her. "I thought you'd love it."
"I kinda do."
It took no time at all for drinks to arrive, and the waiter was respectful in warning them of his presence before he opened the curtain to serve them. Mel was one of those guilty drink-orderers who would sometimes only
order a drink for looks. This was one such night. She normally preferred white wine, but she couldn't resist ordering the red, solely based on how the glass would look against her dress. Thankfully, the wine happened
to be exquisite and she was fairly certain she might finish at least half the bottle on her own.
Halfway through the main course, Mel brought up a subject that had been on her mind most of the day and, due to recent circumstances, was now confirmed as something she wanted to seriously consider. "How would you feel about a religious wedding? I mean, you know, a religious officient?"
Tay coughed quickly before he swallowed, wiping his mouth and putting his napkin down. "Are you trying to burn down the venue?"
"Well, no..." she answered shyly.
"I wasn't trying to be rude. But it's no secret that you're not exactly a religious person."
"No, I guess not...but what if--what if I might want to? Explore religion, I mean."
Tay was right. Mel had never been much for religion. It just wasn't high on her priority list. She had never felt the need to believe in something before and she just went through life as it was, listening to her own conscience and making her own decisions. It seemed to work for her all those years, why fix something that wasn't broken?
However, recent events that had taken place over the last month had caused her to look back on her life and some of the decisions she'd made and begin to wonder if maybe there was a higher power at work somewhere. There had to be and maybe Mel just hadn't found it yet. Maybe it was there for the taking, waiting on her. Maybe she simply was just taking her own sweet time.
"I'm not sure it works that way," Tay said, interrupting her thoughts. "I don't think you can just call up a priest or a reverend, or hell even a rabbi, and say, 'Hey, I may or may not want to join your faith, will you marry me first?' I mean, I'm pretty sure you gotta be committed."
"Well--I mean, how do you know that? When's the last time you stepped into a church?"
He shook his head. "It's just--it's different."
"Different how?"
"It just--I've been a member of the same faith my entire life--"
"But you don't actively practice it."
"Well, no, not lately--"
"So you're saying that wanting to learn, or to be discovering religion for myself, isn't good enough. That I have to be a hardcore believer, one hundred percent, right then and there before they'll even touch me? Really, Tay, who truly believes one hundred percent? Who doesn't have questions?"
"You can't just stand before God and say, 'yeah, I believe' for the sake of a wedding when you know you don't. That's a lie. It's wrong. And flammable."
"Well, how do you know I don't believe? How do I know I don't? I deserve a chance, too, don't I?"
Tay looked across the table at her, the words obviously escaping him for a brief moment. "You've been--really odd lately. I mean, not necessarily in a bad way, just--different. Not like you..."
"I've been looking at life a lot lately," she said. "Since--I mean--things have gone on enough to make me start to question. Somebody, somewhere, beyond my control, is looking out for me. And I think maybe it's time to figure myself out and do things right. I'm not saying I'll learn how I truly believe overnight or anything. But I don't think asking a religious figure to bless our wedding is too much to ask while I'm figuring it all out. You know?"
He was silent a moment longer before he nodded, resting his elbows on the table. "Okay. Do you want me to make some calls when we get home?"
"Yes, that would be lovely."
"Okay, then. I'll make some calls when we get home. No sweat."
Mel studied him across the table. Religion had never factored into any part of her life before and so she never gave it a second thought. But she had obviously struck a chord with Tay and it made her slightly
uncomfortable. She didn't know how to read him for the moment and she wanted desperately for him not to be upset or annoyed with her. It was bad enough she lost her engagement ring. She knew for sure she needed Jesus for that right now.
"Are you mad?" she asked meekly.
He furrowed his brow at her in confusion. "No. Why would I be mad?"
"I don't know, I just--I don't want you to feel like I'm being disrespectful. That wasn't my intention."
"No," he said, reassuringly, as he reached across the table and took her hand in both of his. "Never. I love the fact that you're opening your mind more. It's a beautiful thing. I think it's wonderful that you want to explore spirituality. And I'll be behind you, every step of the way, no questions asked."
"What if I decide I fit in with those crazy, snake-charmer people?"
"Uh, well--then we might have a problem," he laughed. "Because I don't and I won't ever."
Mel giggled, relieved that the conversation didn't go in the direction it had potential to go in. Then she continued, her tone serious again. "Don't expect this to happen overnight. Or I may not even embrace it at
all. It may just not be for me. I don't want you to get your hopes up and then be disappointed."
He smiled at her warmly, a glimmer in his eye. "I've loved you just the way you are for over twenty years. I'll love you still, no matter what decision you make. You don't worry about me and what I think. This is your own, personal journey. Nobody can control it but you and nobody has the right to dictate how you do it. Okay?"
She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."
"Okay," he continued to smile. "Now what do you say we blow this popsicle stand and go get some fresh air?"
Mel glanced under the table then winked at Tay. "Well, these shoes were made for walking..."
He laughed as he stepped out of the booth and, like a gentlemen, helped her out of her seat. "You're on fire with the one-liners today, aren't you?"
She stepped down out of the booth and kept her hand in his, smiling at him. "Guess I'm just talented like that."
He looked her over and leaned in her ear, "You look like a supermodel tonight."
She whispered back, "I think that's the wine talking, dear."
He smirked his response and she allowed him to lead her out of the restaurant.
----------------------------------
Outside the restaurant, the air was unusually warm. It was in the mid sixties, at least, but it didn't stop the breeze from feeling cooler than that. Hand-in-hand, Mel and Taylor strolled along the concrete pathway
leading from the restaurant and along the back edge of the beach. Mel felt like she was in a movie, all dolled up, on an evening stroll with her gorgeous man. She looked over at him and she couldn't help that her heart skipped a beat. His hair had grown some since the great haircut debacle in Jamaica the previous month and it was a wonder what difference a month made. It wasn't back to it's usual luster, by any means, but it didn't make him any less dashing, either, with his short hair and his black suit. He walked with confidence beside her, staring ahead and taking in the sights. Knowing him, something was going on in his brain for him to be as silent as he was. That was okay, though. Mel was just as happy walking in silence and enjoying his company.
As they turned to walk onto a small pier, Mel's heart rate began to increase rapidly. She just knew that her heel would get stuck between one of those wooden planks and her night would be ruined. She desperately
wanted to reject the pier and find more stable ground, but she didn't want to be a nag, and so she allowed Tay to lead the way.
The pier was short and narrow and it took no time to reach the end. They were alone and, looking back, it appeared they wouldn't be joined by anyone anytime soon. Mel stepped closer to Tay until her shoulder touched his and he slid his arm around her, rubbing her arm. The pair had made it to the end of the pier just in time to watch the sun set. "You always seem to know how to time everything perfectly," Mel said.
Tay smiled. "That's why I rushed you out of the cottage and made the reservation so early. I didn't want to miss this."
"It's gorgeous," she observed. The setting sun sparkled off of the ocean in front of them. It was all miles and miles away, but she felt like she could reach out and simply touch it.
"Do you remember Jenny?" Tay asked randomly. He rested his other arm on the railing of the pier and leaned against it comfortably.
Mel was completely caught off guard at this question. "Um, Jenny?"
"Yeah. From the playground."
Memories suddenly came flooding back. "Oh! Yeah! Jenny! Yeah, I remember her. God, that poor girl. I think she lived in that purple sweat suit. And her permanent Kool-Aid mustache and her mousy hair and Coke bottle glasses...weren't we, like, five then?"
"Yeah. Do you remember that one day, on the playground?"
Mel scoffed. "Which one? We practically took up permanent residence there." It was true. Apparently, back in the late eighties and early nineties, the thing for stay-at-home moms to do was meet up at the park and gab and gossip while their kids played. Tay, Mel , and Ike ended up there two or three days per week for an entire summer one summer as Susan and Diana and group of other mothers socialized on the park benches.
"You don't remember? THE day?"
She shook her head. "Tay, there were a lot of days..."
"The kid that was, like, twice our size and a couple years older that picked on us every single time we were there?"
"Oh yeah. His name was Rusty."
"Fitting name for a kid like him, if you ask me."
She giggled. "You're totally right."
"Anyway, do you remember when Jenny started coming to the park? Everyone thought she was weird and she always ended up playing in the sand by herself?"
"I think she was shy..."
"And Rusty started picking on her. She became his new verbal punching bag. And she would just sit there and take it, never reacting to it. I always felt so awful that I didn't have the guts to step in and take up for her." He stole a glance over at Mel and grinned. "But you did."
Mel's palm met her face and she felt herself blushing as she laughed. "Oh my god. I know what day you're talking about. I can see it now. I can't believe I forgot about that!"
"I didn't," he responded. "I remember it like it was yesterday. Rusty was being extra obnoxious that day and Jenny was off minding her own business like she always was, in her weird little way. And he got really mouthy with her and started calling her all these horrible names. And she finally stood up to him and told him she was gonna tell her mom and then he pushed her down, hard, and she started to cry. So he laughed at her even more."
"He was a horrible kid..."
"Do you remember what happened next?"
Mel felt herself blush again and she smiled. "That was an interesting day."
Tay smiled and turned his attention completely on her. "You and your five-year-old little self in your little jumpsuit with the ruffled straps--"
"--you remember what I was wearing?!"
"I do. You marched straight over to Rusty and looked up at him, put your little hands on your hips--that was your favorite defiant stance, by the way--and told him straight to his face, 'My mommy says that people who pick on smaller people are nothing but ugly sissies.' I thought for sure you were a goner. Dead. I almost started to cry."
"You and me, both," she laughed.
"And then Rusty comes back with the obligatory, 'Nuh-uh, I'm not an ugly sissy, you are.' And then you said, 'You wanna bet?' And he came back with, 'I don't need to bet because your mom doesn't know what she's talking about!' You stepped closer to him and I think you caught him off guard a little because I'm certain he wasn't used to anyone standing up to him, especially a tiny little girl like you. Then you said, 'Oh yeah?' And before I knew it, your little leg kicked him square in the crotch and that kid was on the ground in seconds, crying at the top of his lungs and holding himself. All the while, you're watching him without remorse and do you remember what you said next?"
Mel grinned, embarrassed. "Oh my god, Tay..."
His grin matched hers. "Come on, now. What did you say?"
She sighed. "I said, 'Who's the ugly sissy now?' "
"There it is!"
"Oh wow," she laughed. "What a day. You know our parents were only pretending to be pissed at us because they had to set an example. I wonder whatever happened to that kid?"
Tay's chuckling subsided. "Doesn't matter. What matters was while Rusty was on the ground pleading for his life, you walked over to Jenny and helped her off the ground, picked grass out of her hair and then asked her if she wanted to play with us on the slide. You were the first kid all summer to ever ask that little girl if she wanted to play."
"She was my best friend at school all year that year after that until her family moved away."
"You rescued her that summer. You stood up for her and you rescued her. And I fell in love with you that day."
Mel's eyes locked with his and she felt tears begin to rise in her. "Oh, Tay..."
"I mean, yeah, we were kids. Little kids. But you and I--we've never been an ordinary pair. Be it playgrounds or prom...going our separate ways for--well for too many years--it always comes back to us. Just you and me. Inseparable, always. In mind, body, or spirit. I've never known, in my entire life, what it's like to
not love you. I don't know any different. I don't want to. That was the first day, at five years old, that I knew that I could never be without you. Ever."
A lump formed in Mel's throat, so big she nearly choked when she swallowed. She didn't want to cry, but he was making it difficult for her. Looking into his eyes, his face against what was left of the daylight after the now-fallen sun, the wind blowing his suit jacket around, she knew that she shared the same sentiment. Tay had always belonged to her, ever since she could remember. It was the same for her as it was for him--there was never a time when life without him was ever an option, even when they were apart.
Right then would have been a great time for Mel to say what she was thinking, had Tay not taken a step back and dropped himself to one knee in front of her, nearly knocking what was left of her breath out of her body. She looked down at him, completely confused, wondering what in the hell he could possibly be doing.
Gazing up at her, he spoke. "Just like you did with Jenny, you have rescued me on more than one occasion. Without you, I'm nobody. You are my everything. You're my life. My world. You are the person I strive to be and the woman who makes me strive to be a better man. You're my inspiration. My muse. I've known since we were five years old that I never wanted to be without you and I never want to be without you for the rest of my life."
"Tay," Mel barely breathed a whisper. "What is this about?"
He reached into his pocket and produced something that nearly caused her to faint.
"Melody Brianne Banks. Will you please do me the honor of being my wife? Will you marry me?"
She burst into tears on the spot. "Oh my god, Tay! That's my ring! What are you doing, you have my ring!" Her hand shaking, she held it out for him.
He smiled in amusement. "Is that a yes?"
"What? Of course it's a yes, give me my damn ring," she giggled through her tears.
Tay stood and slid his grandmother's ring back where it belonged on Mel's hand and she wasted no time throwing her arms around him and sobbing into his neck. He held her tightly for a moment as her sobs subsided and she collected herself from the initial shock. She pulled her face away to look at him, sniffing away the last of her tears. "What was that all about? What just happened?"
"That was the proposal you SHOULD have gotten. That's the one we'll tell our children about."
"But the first one was just as romantic."
"In the middle of someone else's wedding? Just all nonchalant like, 'Hey, whaddya say?' I felt like such a douche after that."
"It was so romantic, though. But this--I never would have guessed in a million years, this--this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Ever. I love you so much. I just--I'm not poetic with words like you are. I wish I could express my feelings as beautifully as you can but you know I've never really been good at that."
"I know you love me," he said. "That's all I need."
"I can't believe you stole my ring," she murmured.
He smiled at her. "I swiped it while you were in the shower. You actually left it on the bathroom counter, not your bedside table. I reached my hand in and took it off the counter while you were busy humming to yourself."
"Ah. I was washing my hair. I was humming then. Well played, Mr. Hanson..."
"I knew you'd freak out, but it was a small price to pay."
"You're so bad," she teased.
"But you love it."
"I do."
-------------------------------------
The couple entered their cottage, Mel wearing Taylor's jacket, the recent darkness putting a frigid spin on the beach wind. "I don't know how you expected to get through the night with nothing warm on," he said to her.
"Don't act like you didn't plan all this just so you could be chivalrous and loan me your jacket," she flirted back.
"You caught me, Mel. I totally control the weather."
She sat on the side of the bed and removed her jewelry--all of it except for her ring. She wouldn't dare let it out of her sight ever again. She pulled the pins out of her hair and removed her shoes, leaving a trail all
around the bed of the clothing and accessories she shed. Jealous of how Tay could get out of his clothing much quicker than she could, she spied him walking across the room in his bed clothes and suddenly remembered that she couldn't get out of her dress alone. "Tay, will you unbutton me?" she asked nonchalantly.
She stood with her hair raised and waited for him to help her. When she felt his hands on her back, she said, "You remember how they go, right?"
"Of course I do."
"Okay."
Carefully, he unbuttoned her dress. So carefully, in fact, that Mel found herself growing a bit impatient. The dress was comfortable but she was itching for fleece pants and a sweater. When he finished, she felt his
fingertips barely graze back up her back and chills instantly flowed throughout her body. The goose bumps merely multiplied when his hands softly removed the material from the tops of her shoulders. She crossed her arms over her chest to catch her dress before it dropped, but not before his lips met her skin. Her hair had cascaded down her back as she dropped it when she traded it for her dress and his breath tickled the hairs on the back of her neck as he took it upon himself to lift her hair out of his way.
She felt herself stiffen at his touch and at his lips as they softly and slowly made their way across her shoulders. She and Tay hadn't had sex since before the miscarriage. It was the first time she'd ever been
pregnant and her body had rejected it. She couldn't bear the idea of setting herself up for such rejection again. She wanted Tay. She was more sexually attracted to him now than she ever had been. He seemed to age like fine wine. But having sex meant getting pregnant and in her mind getting pregnant meant rejection. She just wasn't sure if she was ready for this yet.
Still holding her dress up, she turned around and looked up at him in silence. Her eyes must have displayed the fear she felt because he gently caressed her arms and said to her softly, "I know you're nervous. I
understand why. We'll go slow. As slow as you want to. And if you start to feel uncomfortable, I'll stop. I promise."
She supposed she couldn't argue. Not after the night he had just provided her with. The least she could do was be a sport. And maybe it would do her good to ease back into the game.
He ran his hands gently up her arms, over her shoulders, and cupped her face in his hands. He kissed her lips softly and as he kissed her, he dropped his hands and gently pried her arms from around her chest, letting her
dress drop to the floor. He was careful in the way he touched her. He was sweet. Thoughtful. A gentleman. He kept his hands in neutral locations and she knew he was trying not to spook her. Gently and wordlessly, he removed his own shirt and pulled her close to him. His heart was racing. She could feel it against her own skin. And in spite of herself, her own heart rate began to increase as well.
Little by little, she found herself responding to him. She did want him. Honestly, she did. There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted him. And he was so patient with her. Every move he had made for that entire day was laden with romance. She seemed to fall for him all over again every hour on the hour.
As his hand brushed over her breast, she felt her body stiffen once again. She wished it were in a good way this time, but she knew it wasn't. She tried. She tried hard to provide a positive response for him. But once his own hands reached the seam of his pants, she couldn't do it. She just couldn't. She just knew that if she gave in, he would get her pregnant again and her body would reject it. The doctor at the hospital had told her she was perfectly healthy and that she didn't have any abnormalities that might affect her reproductive system. But those were just words and they didn't matter. They didn't help the fear she still felt.
Abruptly, she took a step back and looked up at him in horror. She jerked her dress up off the floor and pulled it back around her body. "I'm sorry," she breathed, nearly inaudible. "I'm sorry, I can't. I just--I can't. I'm sorry. Tay, I love you, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," he said gently. "I meant what I said. Don't apologize. It's okay."
"No. No, it's not. I'm so sorry." Suddenly, she couldn't look at him anymore. She felt too ashamed of herself for letting him down. She raced into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She made it to the toilet seat in just enough time to plop her half-dressed self down and bawl into her hands.
******************
Hours later, in the dark, the couple lay in bed. Taylor had been sound asleep for a couple of hours. Mel lay with her back to him, wide awake. She couldn't sleep. She'd ruined everything. She'd ruined their perfect holiday. He had been so wonderful that night, with dinner and the perfect proposal. He was so sweet and so kind to her. And she couldn't even do one thing for him. She couldn't return the favor. She couldn't give him what he wanted--what she knew he needed.
She wanted him. Even now. So why couldn't she give in? Why couldn't she just make her body do it? She loved him too much and she knew she wasn't being fair. After giving it some thought, she wondered if
maybe she was overreacting. Seriously, how could she know if she truly wasn't ready until she just jumped right in? Right? She couldn't lie to herself anymore. He was so unbelievably gorgeous earlier that night and
since the moment they turned out the light for bed, she couldn't get visions of him out of her mind. Her running out on him like she did was ridiculous. It was her not wanting to face the fact that she'd lied. She WAS ready. Maybe deep down in her subconscious she thought that if she admitted she was ready for sex again, then the last of what she had left of being pregnant was gone. That she had come full circle. That she was
moving past it.
She wanted to move past it.
Mel lay there in silence, listening to Tay's steady, even breathing behind her. Gently she turned over, as to not disturb him, and she watched him sleep, barely making out his silhouette in the dark as he slept on his side,
facing her. Before she knew it, she was inching herself closer to him until she could feel his breath on her face. She couldn't help herself but to touch him and she softly caressed his cheek with the back of her hand as he slept.
Moving even closer, she allowed her lips to meet his. His face was so relaxed in his sleep that her lips against his limp ones was probably one of the sweetest feelings she had ever felt. After a second or two, Tay began to
stir and he sucked in a breath as he woke up, stretching out his arm and then wrapping it around Mel. He kissed her back with sensual passion as her hand made it's way up his shirt sleeve, rubbing and squeezing the bicep that she found underneath.
Lowering her hand to the bottom of his shirt, she tugged upward at it and whispered to him, "Take it off."
He didn't question her and he did as he was told, returning to his original position close to her and taking her in his arms once again. "You have no idea how beautiful you are," he whispered to her, still groggy from sleep.
"Shh. Don't talk."
Her hands explored his torso as if she touched him for the very first time. She felt him tremble under her hands as she softly touched his bare skin and ran her fingers through the soft hair that peppered his
chest. She felt his eyes boring into her in the dark. She knew he watched her. She knew he concentrated on her. She knew he was desperately holding himself back. Under normal circumstances, this would thrill her, his wanting her and needing her. Normally she liked to tease him for sport. But not tonight. Tonight she appreciated his patience and his sensitivity.
The more she touched him, the more his breath quickened. Her hand grazed his jawbone and her fingers lightly traced his lips. She felt his warm breath against her fingertips before he kissed them. She pulled her
fingers from his lips and replaced them with her own and he took in a breath, eagerly pulling her body tighter against his, deepening their kiss. She hooked her arm underneath his in an effort to be even closer to him. She couldn't be close enough.
Suddenly she broke the kiss, both of their breathing steadily accelerated. "I need you," she whispered. "I need you to take me through this. Please."
Without a word, he took her mouth in his once more and turned her over on her back. Underneath him, she quickly removed the bottoms she wore and opened her legs and he positioned himself between them comfortably, guiding her legs around his waist. Taking her hand in his, he entangled his fingers in hers and held her hand above her head as he resumed kissing her. He wasn't forceful and he wasn't aggressive. He lowered his head and let his lips trail down her chin and around her neck. Her spine tingled and she arched her back as he seemed to hit nerve after nerve on her.
Under him, Mel felt herself relaxing and the arousal taking over her. Her breathing became heavy and her nails started to press into his back, just enough to signify that she was ready for him. Reaching down under the
covers, Tay removed his pants from around his waist just enough to expose himself. He entered her slowly and as gently as he could. It hurt her for mere seconds before his rhythm began to feel good inside her.
She opened her legs to let more of him in and he kept the same, steady rhythm as he made love to her.
She couldn't stop touching him. His back, his shoulders, his neck, his chest--she loved all of him, every inch of him, and she couldn't get enough of him. When she felt herself coming, the back of her head seemed to bury itself into her pillow. He felt so good that she never wanted to come, but she couldn't stop herself. She pulled him down on her and held him tightly against her as she came, biting down on her bottom lip, her fists balled up against his back. Her entire body shook as she released and it was easily the most intense orgasm she had ever had. She felt it throughout, from head to toe, and her heart weighed heavy with emotion in the midst of it all. He came soon after, breathing his orgasm into her ear and letting out a last groan as he finished.
He kissed her as he calmed himself, never leaving the position he was in for the first few moments afterward. After he moved himself beside her, he wrapped her up in his arms once again and pulled her close, pulling the
covers over their shoulders, tucking them away for the night. "I'm sorry I disappointed you," Mel said, quietly, against his chest.
"Hush," Tay responded. "Today was one of the best days of my life. Go to sleep."
TAYLOR
The next morning, Mel appeared as if her actions the previous night never happened. She was as bubbly as
she was the previous day, if not more. Taylor wasn't having it. He needed an explanation. A logical one, at that.
After the weird dream he had, and waking up to find himself in bed alone, he had gotten up to find Mel on the
front porch, in pitch dark, as the wind blew and the sounds of the waves crashed in front of her. The temperature had dropped significantly once the sun had gone down and he had no idea how she wasn't freezing. Mel wasn't one to sleep walk, so he was left perpetually confused. Never speaking a word, and never putting up a fight, she had allowed him to lead her back to bed, where he held her close for the rest of the night. She seemed to sleep like a baby--he hadn't slept another wink.
So now here she was, standing on his side of the bed, dressed and ready to go in white capris and a snug, gray, Henley shirt, attempting to get him out of bed. "Tay, come on. I'm dying to check out the breakfast bar. I think my stomach is currently selling itself to the devil right now--or has become the devil, I don't know. I just know I'm starving!"
Rubbing his hands over his face and propping himself up on his elbow to face her, he said groggily, "Now, hold on. Hold on just a second, sit down. We gotta talk about something."
She took a step back from him, her face reading hurt and confusion. "Well--can it wait? Or can we discuss it over breakfast?"
"No," he said firmly, sitting himself up in the bed. "We need to talk about it now. Come here."
"No," she said, defiantly. "I have no idea what we could possibly have to talk about. Everything is fine. Nothing is going on."
Leaning over the side of the bed and reaching for her hand, he managed to pull her into bed with him. Finally sitting cross-legged next to him, she nervously looked down at her hands. "Look at me," he said, lifting her
chin so her eyes could meet his. "What happened last night?"
"Nothing happened last night."
"Yes, it did. What went on? What happened with you in that hallway?"
"I don't know what you're talking about."
"Don't try to dodge this. Something happened last night that caused you to shut down. You disappeared, literally and figuratively. I don't know if you even remember this or not, but did you know that I woke up at
three this morning to find you on the front porch? In 45 degree weather?"
"Yes, I remember. I couldn't sleep."
"Why?" he asked firmly.
Mel huffed and was silent for a moment before she spoke. "Did you hear that story? About the woman who died here? It's all true, you know. It's not a legend. She committed suicide, knowing she was pregnant. And she had already miscarried once, so her chances of having the next one were pretty good. She had the opportunity to give birth and she chose to take it all away. Last night I stood in front of a door to a room that belonged to a woman who was in such a state of despair that she took her own life, not caring about the child she had inside of her. She had an opportunity, Tay. And she chose to end it. I didn't know I wanted children until I learned I was pregnant, and then I couldn't even keep it." Her voice cracked as she continued to speak, and Tay swallowed a lump in his throat. It was all clear to him now. The entire odd night made sense. "How could that woman be so selfish? I want us to be parents, Tay. I want to give birth to your child. I want to raise
it together and have a family--with you. Why can't I have that?"
And then the tears flowed. Her forehead fell on his shoulder as she sobbed, and he wrapped his arms around her as he stroked her hair. "Shh, it's okay. I promise, everything will be all right. We'll be parents someday, don't give up hope. Okay? The doctor never said you weren't able to conceive. You had a miscarriage that happened to be a chance occurrence. It had nothing to do with genetics, medical history, daily habits, nothing. Okay?" He kissed her forehead and lifted her face, wiping away her tears. "Look," he continued, smiling softly at her. "Let's not rush this. Don't forget, we're not even married yet. I want to at least have a honeymoon before get on this baby business. Hell, Fred is practically more work than a two-year-old
sometimes."
He managed to get a giggle out of her with his last statement as her tears slowly subsided. She nodded and wiped her cheeks with her hand. "I know it's hard," he said to her gently. "I understand. I do. You do whatever you need to do to deal with it. But I'm here to be your crutch. Whatever problems you have or anything you might be feeling, you lay it all on me. That's what I'm here for. That's why we're made for each other, because we don't know how to keep secrets from each other. Next time those feelings come back, don't shut down on me. Okay? Don't disappear, don't leave me like that. You come to me and you let it out. No matter what the situation, no matter what I'm doing, you let it out. I love you and I want to help you through this. We're in this together. You and me. Just us."
She nodded in agreement. "I love you," she whispered, fighting back tears again. And then she managed a laugh again, an attempt to stop the crying. "My mascara is running, isn't?"
He smiled at her. "It actually isn't that bad. You look beautiful."
"I'll look even more beautiful once you feed me. I might even become a goddess if there's coffee involved."
Tay laughed and patted her thigh. "Get the hell out of my bed," he joked. As he got out of bed, he took a deep breath, feeling much better about the day.
_________________________________
MEL
After breakfast, Mel and Taylor spent most of the day meandering on the beach. Sometimes they walked, sometimes they put their toes in the water, sometimes they dug for burrowing crabs. Mostly, though, they sat on a large blanket, staring aimlessly at the ocean, making meaningless conversation about random things. Mel doodled over and over in the sand beside and in front of her and Tay jotted down random song lyrics into a spiral notebook.
"Wow, I can't remember the last time I actually handwrote a song," Tay recalled.
"Seriously?" Mel responded, wiping away one of her sand doodles and starting a new one.
"Yeah," he smiled. "It's kind of nice."
"I don't see how you're tolerating those pages with all this wind."
"I'm managing okay. It's not really that bad."
"I need a bucket."
Tay scoffed, amused. "A bucket?"
"Or a large shell that I can scoop with or something."
"So you're going from drawing to digging?"
"Maybe."
They were silent again for another ten minutes or so, Mel still drawing in her patches of sand, Tay in concentration, chewing on the end of his pen. "What rhymes with crack?" he asked.
"Really? There are, like, a million words. Pick any of them."
"Eh, none of them are any good."
"Whack."
"Huh?"
"Whack. Cause crack is whack."
"You're crazy, you know that?"
Mel shrugged. "You asked."
They fell silent once again. Mel was tired of doodling. And she was getting her capris dirty. She wasn't an artist anyway. There were only so many Hanson symbols and stick figures she could draw. She found herself writing out creatively vulgar words when she decided she was done drawing in the sand for the day. She
pulled the throw pillow she'd been sitting on from underneath her and turned on her stomach, laying her head on it, her face turned toward Tay. She took a deep breath and smiled as she looked up at him. "Sing me something."
He had been laying on his side, his elbow dug into the corner of his own throw pillow as he used the rest of it to prop his notebook on. Looking up from his lyrics, he smiled in surprise. "What?"
"Sing me something. Sing me that." She pointed to his notebook then quickly retracted her arm, making herself comfortable.
Tay blushed and shook his head. "No, not that. There's really nothing here, it's just...it's nothing. Pick something else."
She shrugged as best she could from the position she was laying in. "I dunno...dig deep."
"It's not gonna sound good," he warned.
"I don't care."
"Um, okay..."
Mel hunkered further down into her pillow and closed her eyes. "Okay, start."
She heard him chuckle lightly before he started to sing. He didn't try hard, and it certainly wasn't the best he'd ever sounded, but it was still one of the most beautiful things Mel had ever heard. Softly, he sang to her:
"You feel like liberation
You give me new sensation
You show me what I need and
You are my life, completed--"
"Ooh, I like this one," Mel cut in, smiling behind her closed eyes.
"Can't stop, can't brake, who's driving?
Sometimes there's no denying
Till today I feel I can't lose
I'm letting go of what I knew
I want you for always
I hear your name in every word I say
I'm a fool and I don't care
I hear your name in every word I say--"
"I don't know why you would say it's not gonna sound good. It's beautiful. I love it," she cut in again.
This time Tay laughed. "Well are you gonna stop interrupting and let me finish?"
She opened one eye to look at him. "No. It's okay. You don't have to finish it." She then swiftly took his notebook out of his hand and shoved it underneath his throw pillow and pulled the pillow closer to her head. "Here," she said, patting it. "Take a break."
He lay beside her on his side, his face mere inches from hers. She now opened both her eyes and stared into his blue ones. Then she said to him quietly, "When you sit out here on the beach like this, with nobody
around, and you stare out into the water and then just look around at all sides of you--doesn't it make you feel how big the world actually is and how small you really are in comparison?"
"Sometimes, yeah," he answered, his volume matching hers. "But I've also sat in the very same place and observed how small the world is, too. It's all about perspective."
"Sometimes it depresses me knowing how small I am in comparison to the world. But most of the time, that's where I find that I prefer to be. Does that make sense?"
"Perfect sense."
"Where do you prefer to be?"
"Wherever you are."
Mel smiled, feeling the blood in her cheeks. "Seriously, Tay."
He smiled back at her, warmly. "I am serious. I don't like when the world feels too small. It's almost claustrophobic. And stressful. I like knowing that there's an entire world out there, just waiting to be uncovered. Which, I mean, there is, ultimately. I don't like feeling like I've seen and done everything. And sometimes I feel like I have even though I know I haven't."
"So let's do that. Let's go through the rest of our lives as tiny little Earth peons, eagerly leaving no stone unturned, and just let the world swallow us whole in all its glory."
"Can we maybe not be peons? It's not a very positive term..."
"You don't want to be a peon with me?"
"Well, I mean, if I HAD to be a peon, I wouldn't want to be a peon with anyone else but you."
"Don't sit under the peon tree with anyone else but me," Mel randomly sang.
A laugh escaped from Tay immediately. "Very well played. I see what you did there."
"Why thank you, my fellow peon."
"This peon thing's not gonna go away, is it?"
"Highly doubtful."
Another short while passed as Mel and Tay lay there and discussed more mundane, and sometimes philosophical, subjects, when the sounds of strangers' voices pulled them from the small world they had created around themselves. Lifting her head enough to see over Tay, Mel spied a group of two or three couples entering the beach near them.
"I guess this is our cue to head inside," Tay said. "We've literally been out here for hours and it's probably time to start getting ready for dinner. Which reminds me, I can't believe I've been such a bastard. I haven't even said Happy Valentine's Day yet!"
Mel laughed at him. "You're not a bastard for that. If it makes you feel any better, I forgot about it, too. So Happy Valentine's Day back at you."
As they stood up, Tay rolled up his notebook and shoved it in the back pocket of the cargo pants he wore, then proceeded to help Mel shake out the blanket and fold it up. As they were ready to make their way back to their
cottage, Mel heard one of the girls in the group giggle and say, "It is NOT!"
Dreading what was coming next and hoping she was wrong, Mel chose to ignore it and they started to take a few steps toward the cottage. She heard another girl. "Yes it is! I swear it, I'd know him anywhere!"
Mel glanced at Tay and his eyes met hers, obvious that he'd heard it too. He merely shook his head and they continued walking. Victory awaited merely steps away when the unavoidable finally reared it's head at them. "Hey! Excuse me!"
The both of them turned to look as the three girls in the small group made their way anxiously toward them. One of the two blondes smiled at Tay excitedly. "Oh! It IS you! I knew it, but they didn't believe me. We are SUCH big fans," she pointed to herself and the brunette.
"I can't even believe you're here right now," said the brunette. "It's such a small world!"
"Yeah, so it is..." Tay's voice trailed off and he glanced behind him at Mel, helplessly.
"Here, I'll take these with me." Mel smiled at him as she took the throw pillows from him and made her way to the cottage porch. She tried not to watch as she hung the sandy blanket over the rail and shook out the
pillows, tossing them into the patio chairs. Instead, she headed inside to make a phone call, and then started the shower when Tay walked in, much quicker than she expected.
Mel poked her head out of the bathroom door. "We're gonna see them again, aren't we?"
He nodded. "Most likely."
"Are they gonna multiply?"
He shrugged. "Don't know. They're on vacation, so probably not."
"Hm. Sometimes I think I prefer them in larger numbers..."
"Sometimes I just prefer to be on a private vacation," he retorted.
At that, Mel raised her eyebrows and went back into the bathroom. 'Okay, then...' she mouthed to herself.
She spent her shower trying to decide what the hell to do with her hair in conjunction with beach wind and the dress she'd brought along. The dress was a light beige mini cocktail dress with lace detail from the bottom all
the way up to the sweetheart neckline. It was sleeveless from her shoulders down and feather-like ruffles trimmed the bottom and also tapered from the lace on her back to cover the capped shoulders. It fit her snug, with a natural waistline and natural silhouette and she almost hated that she needed to Tay to button up her back before she was ready for him to see her. Some things needed to be a mystery to men, but it was hard when you couldn't close up your own dress.
As she stood at the sink, perfecting a subtle smoky eye in the mirror, she heard someone knock on the door and then she heard Tay talking. She stopped and listened for a moment and then smiled, continuing her face.
Mel wasn't big on Valentine's Day herself, but she did what she could.
Finally deciding that a messy, elegant, up do would suit the dress best, Mel was elbow-deep in her own hair when Tay's voice came through the bathroom door. "Hey, do you have a pin or something?"
Mel grinned and looked toward the door. "Are you asking me why I think you're asking me?"
"No one's ever sent me roses before. I wanted to pin one on my jacket."
Her grin widened to the point that her cheeks hurt. "Give me a few more minutes and I'll see what I can do. I'm almost finished," she called.
Doing a small victory dance, she pinned what was left of her hair, gave it a quick spray of hairspray and then fell onto the toilet lid to strap a pair of nude-colored, peep toe, platform pumps around her ankles.
She sprayed on a quick spritz of perfume and stepped out the bathroom door, immediately self-conscious. "Tay, I need you to button me up," she said, turned around, prepared for him to do it. It took several minutes of coaching him and teaching him how to do it before he got the hang of it and her dress was finally securely in place. Turning around and looking at him in his basic black suit, she frowned. "Am I underdressed?"
"Uh. You're--you look--stunning," he answered. "You look perfect. Besides, if it makes you feel any better, I'm not wearing a tie, so..."
"Well you did say cocktail..."
"I absolutely did."
Mel grinned at him. "So you like your little surprise? I mean, it's not much. You know how I am with all this mushy stuff..."
He smiled at her. "I love them. Like I said, nobody's ever sent me roses before. It was a nice surprise. And most men might not admit it, but it was very romantic of you."
"So you really want to pin one to your jacket?"
"Absolutely. Which reminds me--buttoned or unbuttoned?"
"Buttoned."
"I agree."
Mel looked around in thought. "I don't know if we--oh wait, I brought my tiny sewing kit with me!" Quickly, she fished it out and used the tiny scissors to snip off the head of one of the roses and used a pin to pin it on
him. "There," she said. "You're gorgeous."
Tay blushed and changed the subject. "By the way, your little peon card was quite charming," he joked.
"Yeah...I made the call while you were out playing Hanson and stuff..."
"So sneaky..."
She giggled as she gathered her clutch and followed him out the door and into the late afternoon breeze. The sun was just beginning to set and she knew it would be dark before they knew it. As they were about to lock the door to the cottage, Mel noticed her bare hands and nearly died of embarrassment. "Tay, wait! I forgot to put my ring on!"
"But, Mel, we don't have--"
Mel didn't let him finish before she made a beeline for the bathroom to retrieve it off the counter. Except that it wasn't there. She immediately checked the sink and that sentiment was short-lived as there wasn't an open drain. Panic rising quickly inside her, she tried to calm herself and retrace her steps before her shower. Tay's incessant yammering about the time wasn't helping her situation.
The bedside table! That's it! As she let the shower run, she had sat on the edge of the bed and removed her jewelry and left it all there so she wouldn't lose it! Relief washing over her, she raced to her side of the bed, only to find her earrings and her necklace, but no ring.
Tay walked into the room to tell her once more what time it was. "We have a reservation, Mel. We gotta go."
"Tay! I lost my engagement ring! Your grandmother's ring! I can't find it! We can't go anywhere until I find it! How could I be so careless?"
"It'll turn up, I promise. Nobody's been in here but you and me, so it couldn't have gone far. We'll find it."
Mel looked at him in disbelief. "You don't seem so concerned over the loss of a dear family heirloom. Over the most important item I've ever possessed in my entire life! You gotta help me find it!"
"You gotta calm down," he said. "This was the only reservation I was able to get tonight, anywhere. We have to go. We're not exactly dressed for the drive thru, you know."
"I don't care. I want my ring."
Taking her by the hands, Tay looked at her. "Sweetheart, look at me. Calm down. When we get back from dinner, we will turn this place upside down. You're certain you had it on when you came in from the beach?"
"Yes!" Mel was near hyperventilation. "I sat right here and took everything off before I got in the shower. I KNOW I did."
"It could be under the bed or something, or behind the table--"
"Except that it ISN'T!"
"Mel. Nobody has been here but us. And if you're confident that you put your ring right there, then I'm confident that we will find it in this cottage, without a doubt. But I'm telling you, we have to go. Really. We do. We'll find it. I promise."
Reluctantly, Mel allowed Tay to lead her out the door. "I don't see why you're not freaking out over this," she muttered.
"Because I have faith," he responded, confidently. "Sometimes that's all you need."
______________________________
Mel just knew she had ruined the entire night. Taylor had to be pissed off. He just HAD to be. He must have been choosing to keep his temper at bay. There was no other explanation for his attitude right now. At his--his joy and his--happiness. He even whistled a tune as they walked toward the main hotel. She had no idea
what to make of it, but what she did know was that what little appetite she had was completely gone. Her Valentine's Day was completely ruined. However, Tay had his heart set on this damn dinner, so the least she could do was pretend to enjoy it for his sake.
As they walked into 1500 Ocean, Mel immediately felt overdressed. When Tay had said cocktail attire, she hadn't expected the restaurant to be quite so--
"Don't let the scenery fool you," he murmured in her ear, as if he read her mind. "You look fantastic."
His arm slid around her waist as the host showed them to their table. The couple garnered a few looks along the way, but not many. Looking around, it was obvious that not only had Tay had researched this restaurant, but why he picked it--they seemed to be one of the youngest couples in there. She understood now. Here, they ran a slim chance of being bothered. She thought, for a second, back on his words when
they'd first arrived the previous day, and how he'd been annoyed just a couple hours earlier that he'd been approached. He wasn't messing around when he meant for this to be a private vacation. Not only did he want time alone with Mel, he also wanted to get way from himself.
Suddenly they stopped at a small, charming row of booths, each with their own curtain. It was like a table in a cubby hole with comfy booth seating, small throw pillows, and low lighting. Wine chilled in a bucket by the
booth and, after taking their drink order, Tay reached out and pulled the curtains shut. There, they sat, in their own little cocoon, locked away from the rest of the world.
She smiled nervously across the table at him. "This is probably the most romantic little booth I have ever been in."
He smiled back at her. "I thought you'd love it."
"I kinda do."
It took no time at all for drinks to arrive, and the waiter was respectful in warning them of his presence before he opened the curtain to serve them. Mel was one of those guilty drink-orderers who would sometimes only
order a drink for looks. This was one such night. She normally preferred white wine, but she couldn't resist ordering the red, solely based on how the glass would look against her dress. Thankfully, the wine happened
to be exquisite and she was fairly certain she might finish at least half the bottle on her own.
Halfway through the main course, Mel brought up a subject that had been on her mind most of the day and, due to recent circumstances, was now confirmed as something she wanted to seriously consider. "How would you feel about a religious wedding? I mean, you know, a religious officient?"
Tay coughed quickly before he swallowed, wiping his mouth and putting his napkin down. "Are you trying to burn down the venue?"
"Well, no..." she answered shyly.
"I wasn't trying to be rude. But it's no secret that you're not exactly a religious person."
"No, I guess not...but what if--what if I might want to? Explore religion, I mean."
Tay was right. Mel had never been much for religion. It just wasn't high on her priority list. She had never felt the need to believe in something before and she just went through life as it was, listening to her own conscience and making her own decisions. It seemed to work for her all those years, why fix something that wasn't broken?
However, recent events that had taken place over the last month had caused her to look back on her life and some of the decisions she'd made and begin to wonder if maybe there was a higher power at work somewhere. There had to be and maybe Mel just hadn't found it yet. Maybe it was there for the taking, waiting on her. Maybe she simply was just taking her own sweet time.
"I'm not sure it works that way," Tay said, interrupting her thoughts. "I don't think you can just call up a priest or a reverend, or hell even a rabbi, and say, 'Hey, I may or may not want to join your faith, will you marry me first?' I mean, I'm pretty sure you gotta be committed."
"Well--I mean, how do you know that? When's the last time you stepped into a church?"
He shook his head. "It's just--it's different."
"Different how?"
"It just--I've been a member of the same faith my entire life--"
"But you don't actively practice it."
"Well, no, not lately--"
"So you're saying that wanting to learn, or to be discovering religion for myself, isn't good enough. That I have to be a hardcore believer, one hundred percent, right then and there before they'll even touch me? Really, Tay, who truly believes one hundred percent? Who doesn't have questions?"
"You can't just stand before God and say, 'yeah, I believe' for the sake of a wedding when you know you don't. That's a lie. It's wrong. And flammable."
"Well, how do you know I don't believe? How do I know I don't? I deserve a chance, too, don't I?"
Tay looked across the table at her, the words obviously escaping him for a brief moment. "You've been--really odd lately. I mean, not necessarily in a bad way, just--different. Not like you..."
"I've been looking at life a lot lately," she said. "Since--I mean--things have gone on enough to make me start to question. Somebody, somewhere, beyond my control, is looking out for me. And I think maybe it's time to figure myself out and do things right. I'm not saying I'll learn how I truly believe overnight or anything. But I don't think asking a religious figure to bless our wedding is too much to ask while I'm figuring it all out. You know?"
He was silent a moment longer before he nodded, resting his elbows on the table. "Okay. Do you want me to make some calls when we get home?"
"Yes, that would be lovely."
"Okay, then. I'll make some calls when we get home. No sweat."
Mel studied him across the table. Religion had never factored into any part of her life before and so she never gave it a second thought. But she had obviously struck a chord with Tay and it made her slightly
uncomfortable. She didn't know how to read him for the moment and she wanted desperately for him not to be upset or annoyed with her. It was bad enough she lost her engagement ring. She knew for sure she needed Jesus for that right now.
"Are you mad?" she asked meekly.
He furrowed his brow at her in confusion. "No. Why would I be mad?"
"I don't know, I just--I don't want you to feel like I'm being disrespectful. That wasn't my intention."
"No," he said, reassuringly, as he reached across the table and took her hand in both of his. "Never. I love the fact that you're opening your mind more. It's a beautiful thing. I think it's wonderful that you want to explore spirituality. And I'll be behind you, every step of the way, no questions asked."
"What if I decide I fit in with those crazy, snake-charmer people?"
"Uh, well--then we might have a problem," he laughed. "Because I don't and I won't ever."
Mel giggled, relieved that the conversation didn't go in the direction it had potential to go in. Then she continued, her tone serious again. "Don't expect this to happen overnight. Or I may not even embrace it at
all. It may just not be for me. I don't want you to get your hopes up and then be disappointed."
He smiled at her warmly, a glimmer in his eye. "I've loved you just the way you are for over twenty years. I'll love you still, no matter what decision you make. You don't worry about me and what I think. This is your own, personal journey. Nobody can control it but you and nobody has the right to dictate how you do it. Okay?"
She took a deep breath and nodded. "Okay."
"Okay," he continued to smile. "Now what do you say we blow this popsicle stand and go get some fresh air?"
Mel glanced under the table then winked at Tay. "Well, these shoes were made for walking..."
He laughed as he stepped out of the booth and, like a gentlemen, helped her out of her seat. "You're on fire with the one-liners today, aren't you?"
She stepped down out of the booth and kept her hand in his, smiling at him. "Guess I'm just talented like that."
He looked her over and leaned in her ear, "You look like a supermodel tonight."
She whispered back, "I think that's the wine talking, dear."
He smirked his response and she allowed him to lead her out of the restaurant.
----------------------------------
Outside the restaurant, the air was unusually warm. It was in the mid sixties, at least, but it didn't stop the breeze from feeling cooler than that. Hand-in-hand, Mel and Taylor strolled along the concrete pathway
leading from the restaurant and along the back edge of the beach. Mel felt like she was in a movie, all dolled up, on an evening stroll with her gorgeous man. She looked over at him and she couldn't help that her heart skipped a beat. His hair had grown some since the great haircut debacle in Jamaica the previous month and it was a wonder what difference a month made. It wasn't back to it's usual luster, by any means, but it didn't make him any less dashing, either, with his short hair and his black suit. He walked with confidence beside her, staring ahead and taking in the sights. Knowing him, something was going on in his brain for him to be as silent as he was. That was okay, though. Mel was just as happy walking in silence and enjoying his company.
As they turned to walk onto a small pier, Mel's heart rate began to increase rapidly. She just knew that her heel would get stuck between one of those wooden planks and her night would be ruined. She desperately
wanted to reject the pier and find more stable ground, but she didn't want to be a nag, and so she allowed Tay to lead the way.
The pier was short and narrow and it took no time to reach the end. They were alone and, looking back, it appeared they wouldn't be joined by anyone anytime soon. Mel stepped closer to Tay until her shoulder touched his and he slid his arm around her, rubbing her arm. The pair had made it to the end of the pier just in time to watch the sun set. "You always seem to know how to time everything perfectly," Mel said.
Tay smiled. "That's why I rushed you out of the cottage and made the reservation so early. I didn't want to miss this."
"It's gorgeous," she observed. The setting sun sparkled off of the ocean in front of them. It was all miles and miles away, but she felt like she could reach out and simply touch it.
"Do you remember Jenny?" Tay asked randomly. He rested his other arm on the railing of the pier and leaned against it comfortably.
Mel was completely caught off guard at this question. "Um, Jenny?"
"Yeah. From the playground."
Memories suddenly came flooding back. "Oh! Yeah! Jenny! Yeah, I remember her. God, that poor girl. I think she lived in that purple sweat suit. And her permanent Kool-Aid mustache and her mousy hair and Coke bottle glasses...weren't we, like, five then?"
"Yeah. Do you remember that one day, on the playground?"
Mel scoffed. "Which one? We practically took up permanent residence there." It was true. Apparently, back in the late eighties and early nineties, the thing for stay-at-home moms to do was meet up at the park and gab and gossip while their kids played. Tay, Mel , and Ike ended up there two or three days per week for an entire summer one summer as Susan and Diana and group of other mothers socialized on the park benches.
"You don't remember? THE day?"
She shook her head. "Tay, there were a lot of days..."
"The kid that was, like, twice our size and a couple years older that picked on us every single time we were there?"
"Oh yeah. His name was Rusty."
"Fitting name for a kid like him, if you ask me."
She giggled. "You're totally right."
"Anyway, do you remember when Jenny started coming to the park? Everyone thought she was weird and she always ended up playing in the sand by herself?"
"I think she was shy..."
"And Rusty started picking on her. She became his new verbal punching bag. And she would just sit there and take it, never reacting to it. I always felt so awful that I didn't have the guts to step in and take up for her." He stole a glance over at Mel and grinned. "But you did."
Mel's palm met her face and she felt herself blushing as she laughed. "Oh my god. I know what day you're talking about. I can see it now. I can't believe I forgot about that!"
"I didn't," he responded. "I remember it like it was yesterday. Rusty was being extra obnoxious that day and Jenny was off minding her own business like she always was, in her weird little way. And he got really mouthy with her and started calling her all these horrible names. And she finally stood up to him and told him she was gonna tell her mom and then he pushed her down, hard, and she started to cry. So he laughed at her even more."
"He was a horrible kid..."
"Do you remember what happened next?"
Mel felt herself blush again and she smiled. "That was an interesting day."
Tay smiled and turned his attention completely on her. "You and your five-year-old little self in your little jumpsuit with the ruffled straps--"
"--you remember what I was wearing?!"
"I do. You marched straight over to Rusty and looked up at him, put your little hands on your hips--that was your favorite defiant stance, by the way--and told him straight to his face, 'My mommy says that people who pick on smaller people are nothing but ugly sissies.' I thought for sure you were a goner. Dead. I almost started to cry."
"You and me, both," she laughed.
"And then Rusty comes back with the obligatory, 'Nuh-uh, I'm not an ugly sissy, you are.' And then you said, 'You wanna bet?' And he came back with, 'I don't need to bet because your mom doesn't know what she's talking about!' You stepped closer to him and I think you caught him off guard a little because I'm certain he wasn't used to anyone standing up to him, especially a tiny little girl like you. Then you said, 'Oh yeah?' And before I knew it, your little leg kicked him square in the crotch and that kid was on the ground in seconds, crying at the top of his lungs and holding himself. All the while, you're watching him without remorse and do you remember what you said next?"
Mel grinned, embarrassed. "Oh my god, Tay..."
His grin matched hers. "Come on, now. What did you say?"
She sighed. "I said, 'Who's the ugly sissy now?' "
"There it is!"
"Oh wow," she laughed. "What a day. You know our parents were only pretending to be pissed at us because they had to set an example. I wonder whatever happened to that kid?"
Tay's chuckling subsided. "Doesn't matter. What matters was while Rusty was on the ground pleading for his life, you walked over to Jenny and helped her off the ground, picked grass out of her hair and then asked her if she wanted to play with us on the slide. You were the first kid all summer to ever ask that little girl if she wanted to play."
"She was my best friend at school all year that year after that until her family moved away."
"You rescued her that summer. You stood up for her and you rescued her. And I fell in love with you that day."
Mel's eyes locked with his and she felt tears begin to rise in her. "Oh, Tay..."
"I mean, yeah, we were kids. Little kids. But you and I--we've never been an ordinary pair. Be it playgrounds or prom...going our separate ways for--well for too many years--it always comes back to us. Just you and me. Inseparable, always. In mind, body, or spirit. I've never known, in my entire life, what it's like to
not love you. I don't know any different. I don't want to. That was the first day, at five years old, that I knew that I could never be without you. Ever."
A lump formed in Mel's throat, so big she nearly choked when she swallowed. She didn't want to cry, but he was making it difficult for her. Looking into his eyes, his face against what was left of the daylight after the now-fallen sun, the wind blowing his suit jacket around, she knew that she shared the same sentiment. Tay had always belonged to her, ever since she could remember. It was the same for her as it was for him--there was never a time when life without him was ever an option, even when they were apart.
Right then would have been a great time for Mel to say what she was thinking, had Tay not taken a step back and dropped himself to one knee in front of her, nearly knocking what was left of her breath out of her body. She looked down at him, completely confused, wondering what in the hell he could possibly be doing.
Gazing up at her, he spoke. "Just like you did with Jenny, you have rescued me on more than one occasion. Without you, I'm nobody. You are my everything. You're my life. My world. You are the person I strive to be and the woman who makes me strive to be a better man. You're my inspiration. My muse. I've known since we were five years old that I never wanted to be without you and I never want to be without you for the rest of my life."
"Tay," Mel barely breathed a whisper. "What is this about?"
He reached into his pocket and produced something that nearly caused her to faint.
"Melody Brianne Banks. Will you please do me the honor of being my wife? Will you marry me?"
She burst into tears on the spot. "Oh my god, Tay! That's my ring! What are you doing, you have my ring!" Her hand shaking, she held it out for him.
He smiled in amusement. "Is that a yes?"
"What? Of course it's a yes, give me my damn ring," she giggled through her tears.
Tay stood and slid his grandmother's ring back where it belonged on Mel's hand and she wasted no time throwing her arms around him and sobbing into his neck. He held her tightly for a moment as her sobs subsided and she collected herself from the initial shock. She pulled her face away to look at him, sniffing away the last of her tears. "What was that all about? What just happened?"
"That was the proposal you SHOULD have gotten. That's the one we'll tell our children about."
"But the first one was just as romantic."
"In the middle of someone else's wedding? Just all nonchalant like, 'Hey, whaddya say?' I felt like such a douche after that."
"It was so romantic, though. But this--I never would have guessed in a million years, this--this is the most romantic thing anyone has ever done for me. Ever. I love you so much. I just--I'm not poetic with words like you are. I wish I could express my feelings as beautifully as you can but you know I've never really been good at that."
"I know you love me," he said. "That's all I need."
"I can't believe you stole my ring," she murmured.
He smiled at her. "I swiped it while you were in the shower. You actually left it on the bathroom counter, not your bedside table. I reached my hand in and took it off the counter while you were busy humming to yourself."
"Ah. I was washing my hair. I was humming then. Well played, Mr. Hanson..."
"I knew you'd freak out, but it was a small price to pay."
"You're so bad," she teased.
"But you love it."
"I do."
-------------------------------------
The couple entered their cottage, Mel wearing Taylor's jacket, the recent darkness putting a frigid spin on the beach wind. "I don't know how you expected to get through the night with nothing warm on," he said to her.
"Don't act like you didn't plan all this just so you could be chivalrous and loan me your jacket," she flirted back.
"You caught me, Mel. I totally control the weather."
She sat on the side of the bed and removed her jewelry--all of it except for her ring. She wouldn't dare let it out of her sight ever again. She pulled the pins out of her hair and removed her shoes, leaving a trail all
around the bed of the clothing and accessories she shed. Jealous of how Tay could get out of his clothing much quicker than she could, she spied him walking across the room in his bed clothes and suddenly remembered that she couldn't get out of her dress alone. "Tay, will you unbutton me?" she asked nonchalantly.
She stood with her hair raised and waited for him to help her. When she felt his hands on her back, she said, "You remember how they go, right?"
"Of course I do."
"Okay."
Carefully, he unbuttoned her dress. So carefully, in fact, that Mel found herself growing a bit impatient. The dress was comfortable but she was itching for fleece pants and a sweater. When he finished, she felt his
fingertips barely graze back up her back and chills instantly flowed throughout her body. The goose bumps merely multiplied when his hands softly removed the material from the tops of her shoulders. She crossed her arms over her chest to catch her dress before it dropped, but not before his lips met her skin. Her hair had cascaded down her back as she dropped it when she traded it for her dress and his breath tickled the hairs on the back of her neck as he took it upon himself to lift her hair out of his way.
She felt herself stiffen at his touch and at his lips as they softly and slowly made their way across her shoulders. She and Tay hadn't had sex since before the miscarriage. It was the first time she'd ever been
pregnant and her body had rejected it. She couldn't bear the idea of setting herself up for such rejection again. She wanted Tay. She was more sexually attracted to him now than she ever had been. He seemed to age like fine wine. But having sex meant getting pregnant and in her mind getting pregnant meant rejection. She just wasn't sure if she was ready for this yet.
Still holding her dress up, she turned around and looked up at him in silence. Her eyes must have displayed the fear she felt because he gently caressed her arms and said to her softly, "I know you're nervous. I
understand why. We'll go slow. As slow as you want to. And if you start to feel uncomfortable, I'll stop. I promise."
She supposed she couldn't argue. Not after the night he had just provided her with. The least she could do was be a sport. And maybe it would do her good to ease back into the game.
He ran his hands gently up her arms, over her shoulders, and cupped her face in his hands. He kissed her lips softly and as he kissed her, he dropped his hands and gently pried her arms from around her chest, letting her
dress drop to the floor. He was careful in the way he touched her. He was sweet. Thoughtful. A gentleman. He kept his hands in neutral locations and she knew he was trying not to spook her. Gently and wordlessly, he removed his own shirt and pulled her close to him. His heart was racing. She could feel it against her own skin. And in spite of herself, her own heart rate began to increase as well.
Little by little, she found herself responding to him. She did want him. Honestly, she did. There was no doubt in her mind that she wanted him. And he was so patient with her. Every move he had made for that entire day was laden with romance. She seemed to fall for him all over again every hour on the hour.
As his hand brushed over her breast, she felt her body stiffen once again. She wished it were in a good way this time, but she knew it wasn't. She tried. She tried hard to provide a positive response for him. But once his own hands reached the seam of his pants, she couldn't do it. She just couldn't. She just knew that if she gave in, he would get her pregnant again and her body would reject it. The doctor at the hospital had told her she was perfectly healthy and that she didn't have any abnormalities that might affect her reproductive system. But those were just words and they didn't matter. They didn't help the fear she still felt.
Abruptly, she took a step back and looked up at him in horror. She jerked her dress up off the floor and pulled it back around her body. "I'm sorry," she breathed, nearly inaudible. "I'm sorry, I can't. I just--I can't. I'm sorry. Tay, I love you, but I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's okay," he said gently. "I meant what I said. Don't apologize. It's okay."
"No. No, it's not. I'm so sorry." Suddenly, she couldn't look at him anymore. She felt too ashamed of herself for letting him down. She raced into the bathroom and closed the door behind her. She made it to the toilet seat in just enough time to plop her half-dressed self down and bawl into her hands.
******************
Hours later, in the dark, the couple lay in bed. Taylor had been sound asleep for a couple of hours. Mel lay with her back to him, wide awake. She couldn't sleep. She'd ruined everything. She'd ruined their perfect holiday. He had been so wonderful that night, with dinner and the perfect proposal. He was so sweet and so kind to her. And she couldn't even do one thing for him. She couldn't return the favor. She couldn't give him what he wanted--what she knew he needed.
She wanted him. Even now. So why couldn't she give in? Why couldn't she just make her body do it? She loved him too much and she knew she wasn't being fair. After giving it some thought, she wondered if
maybe she was overreacting. Seriously, how could she know if she truly wasn't ready until she just jumped right in? Right? She couldn't lie to herself anymore. He was so unbelievably gorgeous earlier that night and
since the moment they turned out the light for bed, she couldn't get visions of him out of her mind. Her running out on him like she did was ridiculous. It was her not wanting to face the fact that she'd lied. She WAS ready. Maybe deep down in her subconscious she thought that if she admitted she was ready for sex again, then the last of what she had left of being pregnant was gone. That she had come full circle. That she was
moving past it.
She wanted to move past it.
Mel lay there in silence, listening to Tay's steady, even breathing behind her. Gently she turned over, as to not disturb him, and she watched him sleep, barely making out his silhouette in the dark as he slept on his side,
facing her. Before she knew it, she was inching herself closer to him until she could feel his breath on her face. She couldn't help herself but to touch him and she softly caressed his cheek with the back of her hand as he slept.
Moving even closer, she allowed her lips to meet his. His face was so relaxed in his sleep that her lips against his limp ones was probably one of the sweetest feelings she had ever felt. After a second or two, Tay began to
stir and he sucked in a breath as he woke up, stretching out his arm and then wrapping it around Mel. He kissed her back with sensual passion as her hand made it's way up his shirt sleeve, rubbing and squeezing the bicep that she found underneath.
Lowering her hand to the bottom of his shirt, she tugged upward at it and whispered to him, "Take it off."
He didn't question her and he did as he was told, returning to his original position close to her and taking her in his arms once again. "You have no idea how beautiful you are," he whispered to her, still groggy from sleep.
"Shh. Don't talk."
Her hands explored his torso as if she touched him for the very first time. She felt him tremble under her hands as she softly touched his bare skin and ran her fingers through the soft hair that peppered his
chest. She felt his eyes boring into her in the dark. She knew he watched her. She knew he concentrated on her. She knew he was desperately holding himself back. Under normal circumstances, this would thrill her, his wanting her and needing her. Normally she liked to tease him for sport. But not tonight. Tonight she appreciated his patience and his sensitivity.
The more she touched him, the more his breath quickened. Her hand grazed his jawbone and her fingers lightly traced his lips. She felt his warm breath against her fingertips before he kissed them. She pulled her
fingers from his lips and replaced them with her own and he took in a breath, eagerly pulling her body tighter against his, deepening their kiss. She hooked her arm underneath his in an effort to be even closer to him. She couldn't be close enough.
Suddenly she broke the kiss, both of their breathing steadily accelerated. "I need you," she whispered. "I need you to take me through this. Please."
Without a word, he took her mouth in his once more and turned her over on her back. Underneath him, she quickly removed the bottoms she wore and opened her legs and he positioned himself between them comfortably, guiding her legs around his waist. Taking her hand in his, he entangled his fingers in hers and held her hand above her head as he resumed kissing her. He wasn't forceful and he wasn't aggressive. He lowered his head and let his lips trail down her chin and around her neck. Her spine tingled and she arched her back as he seemed to hit nerve after nerve on her.
Under him, Mel felt herself relaxing and the arousal taking over her. Her breathing became heavy and her nails started to press into his back, just enough to signify that she was ready for him. Reaching down under the
covers, Tay removed his pants from around his waist just enough to expose himself. He entered her slowly and as gently as he could. It hurt her for mere seconds before his rhythm began to feel good inside her.
She opened her legs to let more of him in and he kept the same, steady rhythm as he made love to her.
She couldn't stop touching him. His back, his shoulders, his neck, his chest--she loved all of him, every inch of him, and she couldn't get enough of him. When she felt herself coming, the back of her head seemed to bury itself into her pillow. He felt so good that she never wanted to come, but she couldn't stop herself. She pulled him down on her and held him tightly against her as she came, biting down on her bottom lip, her fists balled up against his back. Her entire body shook as she released and it was easily the most intense orgasm she had ever had. She felt it throughout, from head to toe, and her heart weighed heavy with emotion in the midst of it all. He came soon after, breathing his orgasm into her ear and letting out a last groan as he finished.
He kissed her as he calmed himself, never leaving the position he was in for the first few moments afterward. After he moved himself beside her, he wrapped her up in his arms once again and pulled her close, pulling the
covers over their shoulders, tucking them away for the night. "I'm sorry I disappointed you," Mel said, quietly, against his chest.
"Hush," Tay responded. "Today was one of the best days of my life. Go to sleep."